My vision blurred and pressure appeared around my head, the world slowing down to almost standstill, before taking off at three times the speed. We were running, and my sword was drawn, jumping onto the motorbikes. Cas was driving, and I dug my knees into the seat so I could grab my gun with my hands. Pete was driving the other with Mel on the back. Mel and I were holding guns, training them on the runners following us.
“I know, I know just hang on Mel, there must be a way…”
I knew he was looking for a way out, a way to get out of here without killing the soldiers. They were from TJP, I could see that know, and I didn’t know why Mel had said they weren’t. All I knew is that we were going to have to kill them. And that makes me feel sick. I’ve been trained to do this my whole life, I know how to handle a gun, and I know how to kill. No one else has killed before. Not Cas, not Mel, not Pete. I have.
The dark wood panels of Metropolis’ walls were burning, and I was protecting the others from the blaze, my wings outspread, keeping them from harm as we ran towards the exit. We were going o find motorbikes in the shed, along with money, it was an escape route that had been planned for years. A crash and crunch, the noise of destruction, out of the wall to our right a soldier ran through the wall, burning bits of debris tumbling out after him. His eyes widened in excitement as he saw us, we had been thrown to the floor in the impact, and the others were crying out, we had landed on a burning beam. Smoke was filling their lungs, but not mine. The soldier raised his gun at Pete. Manic laughter echoing out of his mouth. I didn’t even hesitate, I trained my gun on his head and pulled the trigger. The dull blow shot, and he crumpled to the floor.
I thought of that feeling, he feeling of pain and guilt and urgency, and I looked at my Mel, her hands shaking on the gun, at Pete, yelling that we would have to kill them, I felt Cas’ shudder against my back. I looked at Mel’s face, lined with grim determination. What would this do to her? Would she ever sleep again, knowing that she had killed people? I didn’t even hesitate. I raised my gun at the soldiers in the car, two in the front, and one in the back.
It only took three shots.
I don’t remember the rest of hat journey. All I know is that it was long, and my arms were tired from clinging to Cas. I also know that we were silent. No words were spoken between us, no cheers, and no shouts of joy. They all knew I had killed those three men, those three people that I will never know the names of, because I didn’t want Mel to have to do it. I didn’t want any of them to have to kill, I didn’t want me to have to kill, but I had killed someone before.
I’m not naïve, I know that all of us getting out of this wild chase across the country, the search for Metropolis alive and well is unlikely, and that my conscience is already being pushed down upon by the knowledge that I have killed four people. Four.
I didn’t regret it. I never had regrets, or tried not to anyway. I never hated what I was, because I don’t know how I became this, and I don’t know if it will last. But I don’t regret killing the three soldiers, because they would have died either way, and it means that if Harry Potter is right, which it normally is, that Mel, Cas and Pete have whole, pure souls.
My soul is in pieces.
Four. I have killed four people. On my consciousness, on my back. I will learn to deal with it.
“In here”. Cas speaks from in front of me, sure enough, a hotel has loomed into view, a tall brick building of the side of the dual carriageway we are driving down.
After that, we all move as a perfect team, the four of us together, nothing has changed. Unless we are still working as a flawless team because we don’t know how else to act. Mel and Cas go in and get a twin room whilst Pete and I park and chain the bikes. Then we wait. My phone bleeps. We all have mobiles with industrial batteries and battery chargers. We have a lot of spare batteries. Mel has simply put “facing the trees.”
Going round to the side of the hotel that faces an out crop of trees and bushes, we wait and till there is a thump as the keys are thrown out of the window. Picking up the keys to room 104, we walk into the looming building.
omnia in finem ardebit